Staying Connected with Friends when we can’t be Together

On a mild day in June 2019, Sandra and I were enjoying breakfast at our favorite diner. It was my birthday and Sandra handed me a bag of birthday goodies (and who doesn’t love birthday goodies?!). Inside that bag was a small journal. Sandra suggested that we pass this journal back and forth with each of us writing a few pages and filling it with whatever we want...writing, drawings, pictures, doodles, whatever. And by the end of the year, we’ll have a book filled with...something. We just didn’t quite know what that something was going to be at the time.

This proved to be one of the best and most thoughtful birthday gifts I have ever received. Whenever the journal came back to me, there was that burst of excitement just like back in the days when we used to get letters. Ah, the suspense of what was written inside!

I’ll admit, it was a little challenging at first...neither of us was quite sure what to write in it. But as time went by, the book became filled with little moments in life. Our small joys and frustrations, our dreams and hopes for the future, and a little silliness scattered throughout.

 At times, it was therapeutic. We both grieved the loss of a close mutual friend in those pages. We celebrated each other’s wins and achievements. We commiserated with each other’s struggles. And we certainly didn’t realize when we started this journal that our lives would be turned upside down by a pandemic! Our worries are in there too.

There was one time the journal had another use. I owed Sandra $20 which she was refusing to take. So the next time I wrote in the journal, I slipped in the $20 bill (yes, just like Harry Potter freeing Dobie by slipping a sock in a book!). For a while that $20 went back and forth in the journal, until one day when that $20 came in handy and Sandra managed to avoid an extra trip to the ATM! So the $20 was put to good use and the post-it note that went with the $20 bill, remains in the journal as a fond memory.

When I flip through the pages now, I smile. It’s filled with those normal, everyday moments that make up our lives. Those moments that you think aren’t interesting enough to write about - except in hindsight when you see it all strung together into a year and you realize that those not-so-important-moments really were important after all. 

The journal allowed us to stay connected throughout the year. Even though Sandra and I see each other frequently, we’re often talking about the podcast, Toastmasters, or other projects we need to work on. The journal gave us the space to share more of our personal lives that can get brushed aside in the ordinary bustle of our lives.

Over time we realized that writing in the journal was a commitment to each other as we both set aside time out of our busy days to write. Making the time for each other is one of the key elements to keeping a friendship strong (especially when we can’t be together).

I think so many of us have realized the value of our friendships while in quarantine and how lost we felt without the in-person time with our friends (and hugs! I am so missing hugs. If only they could be sent through a journal!). Even though a journal can’t replace a hug or a great conversation in person, it is a wonderful way to stay connected. So if you’re looking for a unique gift to give a good friend, try a journal. You don’t know where it’ll take you.

As a result of our year-long project, we created a pass back and forth journal for friends. We added some writing prompts to help inspire your writing. You can check that out here. We hope you’ll find the project as fun as we did!